CA Rewording Corrupted Messages Discussion
Description
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- Reword each of the corrupted messages below using whole messages to replace the original statement. (You’ll make up a scenario for each of the quotes below and express a “whole message”).
- Just as a reminder, use all four elements of the whole statement:
- Describe the other person’s behavior (your observation of what they objectively did or said)
- Express your feelings (make sure they’re actual feelings and not thoughts…for example feeling like someone isn’t listening to you is not a feeling, but feeling sad is). AND, remember to own your feelings (e.g., “I am upset” versus “you make me upset” or “I am angry” versus “it makes me angry.”)
- Give your interpretation of the other person’s behavior (thoughts).
- Express your need(s)/want(s).
SAMPLE:
You might want to say to someone, “You never want to spend time with me anymore.” This is likely to create defensiveness in the other person and they will be less likely to try to see things from your perspective. Instead, you might try to share with them what you observed and take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings about their behavior.
Revision:
- Observation: The past three times I’ve asked you to go to dinner, you have said you can’t go.
- Feeling: I’m bummed because….
- Thought: I’m wondering if you’re really that busy or if you just don’t want to hang out.
- Need: Can we please talk about this?
- “You never want to hear my side of the story”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You need to be more responsible”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You’re a total control freak!”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You’re oversensitive.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You never listen to me.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
- “You need to give me a little space.”
- Observation
- Feeling
- Thought
- Need
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